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Things You Should Discuss Before You Say “I Do”

Having the right conversations prior to saying ‘I do” can save you a lot of headaches, stress, time and money. The right conversations are essential for a successful relationship and marriage. You don’t have to wait until you are proposed to. You can have these conversations during the early dating process to weed out the noncontenders in advance.

In the beginning of relationships is all about infatuation. Most often the conversation is just about light-hearted topics. But once you’ve done that and have realized that you think you want to commit to your current partner, there are some important real-life conversations you should have.

Great communication is a fundamental asset of a great, long relationship.

Some of these are more relevant to some couples than to others, but every relationship that wants to move from casual to committed should deal with each question in some way. If you find that you and your partner need more time on one topic than on others, that’s fine, too.

Money

This.. money is the root cause of divorce and hateful spirits looming in your life forever. You’ve probably heard that every couple should discuss money before they make a lasting commitment to each other. Whether you’ve heard it so many times that it sounds like a cliche to you or this is the first time you’ve run across it, this is one important conversation you must have with no exceptions or excuses.

Money ain’t everything until you don’t have it.

By the time you get to this conversation, you probably have some sense of how your partner handles money. Think about what you’ve seen them do. Do they spend money spontaneously or research every nitpicking detail before they buy anything? Do they save and invest some of their income or does it all go toward living expenses or discretionary spending?

While observation is helpful for determining how your partner works in this area, be sure to talk about these issues too. You don’t have to be on exactly the same page for your relationship to work, but it helps to know where you’re both coming from. Cheap people are not always good nor is someone who doesn’t know how to hang on to a dime.

Before I married my husband, I did a credit check. I wanted to personally see how he handled money on that level. I knew I had goals of homeownership, buying other vehicles, traveling and of course saving for our future. I know this may be a little extreme, nevertheless, I knew in advance that he wasn’t a convicted felon and he wasn’t completely in debt starting off.

Past Relationships

I need to know who you done right and wrong because I don’t want them coming back to haunt me. This is a topic that many people are afraid to discuss with their current partner. While you don’t want to go on and on about how great a past relationship or partner was, you and your significant other should talk about how your relationships went in the past and what you hope goes differently this time around. Past mistakes don’t have to be future mistakes. If you talk about how it happened and how you would have done it differently, perhaps that headache can save you future turmoil.

The fear of having the conversation about past relationships might still linger even after you’ve started talking. It can be helpful to remember that, if by some strange chance your partner won’t commit to you after hearing about your past, they are probably not someone you wanted to be with anyway. Real talk,…

Religion

Are you religious or not? Do you believe in God? Is there a protocol of how we worship one God? This is another big topic that many couples shy away from. However, if you’re going to be in a committed relationship, you’ll need to know where the other person stands regarding religion. Many couples agree to disagree, but it’s still important to know where your partner is coming from in this area and to let them know where you’re at, too. My husband wasn’t really into religion when we got married. I went to church regularly and he didn’t. However, he knew that I had a relationship with God and if he wanted to be with me, he had to have one too. Neither of us are religious, but we have a strong, spiritual bond that keep up prayed up and connected always.

Future Plans

What are your life goals? Do you have any? Where do you see yourself in 5, 10 and 20 years? When you’re thinking about committing to a long-term relationship with someone, it’s good to know that they are heading in a direction you can support. While it’s unlikely that you will both be going in exactly the same direction, that’s not necessary for a solid, loving relationship. As long as your partner isn’t planning something that’s diametrically opposed to your own plans, the relationship can be a success.

What Do You Care About?

This is so key. What your partner cares about can say a lot. It can also tell you what type of person he or she is. Maybe you have something in common that you can build a business on or a life being an advocate, it’s so important to know this sooner versus later. In addition to the topics outlined above, be sure to discuss with your partner anything you care about deeply. If it would affect your lives together, bring it up and see how your partner feels about it. It’s always good to be open and honest up front versus waiting until a problem arise.

How Many Kids do You Want to Have?

Now this may seem like a stupid questions to ask someone, especially in the early dating phase. But it’s best to know early if your like interest wants to have kids or not. If not, you can get out sooner versus later. Chances are you are not going to change their opinion no matter how much you show them how cute somebody else’s kids are. Having kids is serious business and not everybody is up to it or want to be up to it. Forcing parenting on someone could certainly prove to be a disaster in advance and long term. Children don’t ask to be here. Don’t bring them into the world with someone who lets you know in advance they aren’t ready and may never be. Kids can be a great asset to a loving union. Here’s my two here. Lol.. They were soaking in the sun for our 23rd wedding anniversary in Phuket, Thailand.

Overall, relationships can be challenging no matter how much you know in advance. It’s better to be prepared versus not being prepared at all. If you and your mate refuse to or are not comfortable talking about the future and what each of you can bring to the table of a possible union down the road, I would seriously consider that a red flag and caution one to move forward. Someone who has something to hide will always be hiding something.

Don’t be desperate for love. Be open for honesty and love will break its way through.

I hope these tips helped. If so, share this blog with someone else. Connect with us at Love Thy Marriage for more tips and conversation about relationships. Check out our podcast for a different perspective and thought analysis.

I’m Nichelle and I am a life strategist in business and life. Before you say “I do” get the The Master Marriage Guide to get over the hurdles and the bumps. Marriage isn’t easy, but a great marriage is so worth it.. Feel free to comment below with your thoughts, things you’ve done to be successful in your relationship and any tips worth sharing. Thanks for reading and I look forward to connecting next time.

Much love.

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20 Replies to “Things You Should Discuss Before You Say “I Do””

  • I think these are all great tips and you would think they would be normal things to talk about but I believe it is so important to have in depth and multiple conversations about these things. espeically money and past relationships.

  • These are all such HUGE issues to have open and honest conversations about before marriage. For me, family relationships and boundaries was a big one, too.

    • Yes.. most people don’t have simple conversations and end up having big problems. Family relationships is important.

  • All of these are so important, but I think the most important for me was the kids. I knew I wanted children, but if my husband had said he didn’t I don’t think I would have married him. There are definitely some discussions that have to happen before marriage.

    • Yes.. talking about kids was important to me too. Especially since my husband had 1 prior to is getting married.

  • What a nice reading! There is no doubt that it’s very important to talk all the things mentioned above with your partner for a healthy relationship

  • I wish I read this before I got married. We did discuss alot but not all of this. These are great issues to discuss before marriage!

    • Yes.. marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. It helps things work out better when both are on the same page. It’s a game changer for sure.

  • I could not agree with you more. Different people have different ideas about what they want out of life and relationships so yes best to talk before xx

  • Knowing about how many kids you want before getting married is essential. And then making sure you share values as well. If you don’t share them, the relationship won’t work.

  • Money is such a taboo subject but it’s something that definitely needs discussed before marriage! I’ve seen so many friends go threw things due to not talking money

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