Choosing a Mate That is Right for You
Don’t forget to LOVE yourself..
Finding someone to share your life with can be a challenge. Often times we look in all the wrong places and eventually get stuck with leftovers or trash that is difficult to be disposed of. Love and relationships are two different things. You must ask yourself, which one do you want. In choosing, make certain that you have the time that is needed to invest in what it is you want.
Before you can give of yourself, make certain you are confident in what it is you’re expecting and what it is you want to receive. Have some type of idea of the relationship you are looking for because this is the first step of valuing your time and that of others. Are you seeking a casual companion, a weekend lover or someone to spend the rest of your life with? Develop an idea of what you would call a great mate. While some might say that this limits your choices way too much, it’s possible to both know what you’re looking for and be open to something else.
The most tangible aspect is that you don’t have to settle. The secret sauce in finding a companion is in putting together a list of characteristics of your ideal mate and how you think about that list once you develop it. If you see every characteristic on it as absolutely necessary, you might miss out on meeting a wonderful person. After all, no one is perfect, but someone is perfect for you. If, on the other hand, you see your list as a set of guidelines, having it can help you choose the relationships you do and do not want to pursue. This is critical because far too many people are in a hurry to find a mate without vetting them out. This behavior could lead to all sorts of unhappiness, regret and a possible disaster. Being specific with intention can be beneficial in the long run.
Love make the world go round..
When seeking a relationship, it’s important to identify what you deem as necessary and unnecessary characteristics in a mate. Begin gathering your list by thinking back over past relationships, whether they were romantic in nature or not. Were any fulfilling? Are there any characteristics that other people have that make life incredibly difficult for you? I mean… things that would make you miserable to be around. Or better yet, things that you simply cannot tolerate. In contrast, are there any characteristics that you find absolutely necessary in someone you’re going to be close to? Things that make your heart flutter, your mind think and your life better. Now think about some attributes and aspects you would appreciate or admire in a potential new mate. These should be things that make you feel good and enjoy being around this person. Use these components to help get you started, both in making a list of things you want in a mate and in making another one of things that you don’t want and refuse to deal with. Anything that comes up in these thought exercises is probably pretty important to you and might even make or break a future relationship. So think long and careful about this process.
Love is bigger than one second, one hour and one day..
Just as you list the necessary and unnecessary components, you must acknowledge the desirable and undesirable characteristics too. After you have your lists of necessary and unnecessary characteristics, think about other aspects of people you’ve known that you have enjoyed or that have been hard for you to deal with. These may not be quite as important as the things you just listed, but they are aspects of another person that would be nice to have or to simply avoid. You may want to make these into a separate category on your list. That way, you can separate them in your mind from things that are absolutely necessary or to be avoided. Again, thinking long and hard while being aware and conscientious are key to successfully choosing the right mate.
Your CHOICE can make or break you…
You deserve to be picky. But how picky do you deserve to be. For me, being picky is a big deal. Just as I am careful in planning out other events in my life, I will be just as careful in trying to choose someone who is worthy of my time. After all, choice is a personal decision and it can also be a life-long one as well. Now that you have your list in front of you, it’s up to you to decide how closely you want to stick with it. Again, it’s your choice! Are the characteristics on the list important enough to you that any perfect mate would have to have all of them? On the other hand, are some of them absolutely essential and others you can live with or without? Know that you are free to make whatever choice you want to in this area. This is your life and you should have a say so. This is your relationship you’re considering, so the choices need to be suited to your own preferences and perspectives. In case you are not prepared, remember that choosing to be picky might mean that it is harder to find a mate. No matter how many of these characteristics he or she has, there will still be areas of your relationship that could be difficult in other areas. Relationships should grow. In that process, both of you will change. It is with great hopes that your intentions are to grow together and help each other along the way.
Let me count the ways that I LOVE you…
So, once you’ve made this decision, don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise to sway a different way. As I mentioned, this is your life and you will be the one that has to deal with the consequences of poor choice. No matter how good looking a perfect mate may be, what they drive, their occupation and what they tell you, if they don’t have the characteristics you’ve deemed essential, the relationship probably isn’t going to last long. In addition, don’t allow friends or family to persuade your decision making towards your ideal mate. Who you date and how you choose them is your choice, not anyone else’s. We all have different taste and our personal taste won’t be the same as anyone else’s. Therefore, relying on their advice and judgement simply will not work. You need to trust your own instincts, needs, desires and preferences when deciding on a mate to add to your life.
Love is a two-way street. Both parties are supposed to be giving of each other. Even though no relationship is perfect, there is one that is perfect for you. Be fair with yourself and the other person. Know that a relationship or a love that lasts is built on a solid foundation. When a piece of it cracks, both must be willing, ready and able to glue it back together. Love is a beautiful thing. Don’t settle just because you are lonely. Pray about what you are seeking and let the love you are requesting find you. Here’s why..
When LOVE finds you, it’s a beautiful thing…
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I am Nichelle Womack! As a people building, life transition strategist (certified life coach), I specialize in helping you reach your greatest potential through self-reliance and internal motivation. I provide inspiration through community speaking engagements, one on one consultation and group/team training. Positive thoughts and language are my fuel for energy and my desire to help you find yours. If you are interested in a free 15 minute session of coaching, contact me here. Looking for more great life tips, check out “The Master Tip for Personal Success.”
Many blessings and much success to you!! Before you get married, read Things You Should Do Before You Say I Do.